10 Random jokes

10 Random jokes

10 Random jokes

1. Three mice are being chased by a cat. The mice were cornered when one of the mice turned around and barked, “Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!” The surprised cat ran away scared. Later, when the mice told their mother what happened, she smiled and said, “You see, it pays to be bilingual!”

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2. A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. “Wow!” said the father, “That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?” The girl replied, “It was a wrong number”.

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3. Son: “Dad, what is an idiot?”

Dad: “An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can’t understand him. Do you understand me?”

Son: “No”

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4. Customer: “Excuse me, but I saw your thumb in my soup when you were carrying it”

Waiter: “Oh, that’s ok. The soup isn’t that hot”

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5. Bank Teller: “How do you like the money?”

Customer: “I like it very much!”

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6. “Excuse me. Do you know the way to the zoo?”

“No, I’m sorry I don’t”

“Well, it’s five blocks this way, then one block to the right”

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7. There were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn’t eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, “oh, come one, let’s eat the sandwiches”. Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, “If you do, I won’t go!”

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8. After a long career of being blasted into a net, the human cannonball was tired. He told the circus owner he was going to retire. “But you can’t!” protested the boss. “Where am I going to find another man of your caliber?”

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9. My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began to shout, “Shouldn’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t, can’t!” “Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?” “Nothing. She’s just having contractions”.

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10. An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew. After some time, one said to the other, “If you don’t mind me saying so, you don’t look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck”. “Yes”, the other one said, “I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck, and my leg became dangled up in a loose line, it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee. You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in an attempt to rescue him, and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off”. The friend added, “My, you really did experience bad luck! I see you have a patch over one eye, what happened to your eye?” The sailor responded, “Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over, unloaded, and got me right in the eye”. The friend said, “What!? Did that take your eye out?” The old sailor replied, “No, that was the first day I had my hook”.

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